Push Through

The amazing stories of a 23 year old living in a 78 year old’s body.

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Irritating Quotes the Chronically Ill Hear Daily

How do you do it?

How do you survive?

Why do you put up with it?

Why don’t you see better doctors and get better treatment?

Why don’t you eat healthier and work out more?🍕>🍍 🏋️‍♀️🧘‍♀️

How come you don’t put all of your faith in God? He WILL heal you.

But you’re so young, too young to have to deal with all of these problems.

You take too much medicine, you should only take vitamins.💊

Well my cousin’s uncle, twice removed, has that too. He only eats radishes and sparkling water, it’s fixed him completely.🍾

Oh you should try my doctor!👩‍⚕️

You look great, you can’t possibly be sick.

You look terrible, are you having a bad day?

Are you getting better?

I don’t understand why you keep cancelling plans.

You’ve gained weight.

You don’t need any help.

Deal with it, keep it to yourself. Bottle that shit up, toss it in the ocean for only mother nature to see 🌊⛰🌌

Walk it off

Have you lost weight?

Are you going to lay in bed all day again?

You cost too much.

*In a whisper* she’s faking it

It can’t be that bad.

If you eat kale chips and mango smoothies you will lose 17 lbs and your *insert illness here* will be healed. Hallelujah 🙌

How many surgeries is that now?

Man, its weird seeing you not on crutches

Hey! It’s the crip ♿

You’re making it all up, stop lying.

I don’t have to out run a bear, just have to out run you. 🐻

Why are you on the ground?

I wish I didn’t have to work too 🏙

Ooohhh drugggss, fun!

Oh wow, you’re a druggy. 💊💉

Fighting Fears

Fears will keep you from doing that one thing you’ve always wanted to do. Stop you from asking out that cute guy across the bar. Keep you from completing your bucket list or even keep you from standing up for yourself.

Personally, some of these terrify me, others just bother me. They are all on the spectrum of fear.

  • Bees.
  • The dentist.
  • My dog leaving me.
  • My health getting worse, not getting answers for what is wrong with me.
  • Not being believed by the important people in my life.
  • Losing my license because of my health.
  • Not fixing what is physically wrong with my body.
  • Losing my family and friends.
  • Never being able to get a job.
  • Getting my treatments taken away.
  • Having a repeat situation of an ex best guy friend. I will never let that happen to me again.
  • Getting my guns or knives taken away; they are my babies.
  • Losing my best friend. My person.
  • Spending quality time with my brother’s girlfriend… my brother marrying his current girlfriend.
  • Not being loved or finding true love.

What are you scared of?

Fighting the Beast

Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) rules my life. Everyday I’m in pain. Recently it’s been so much worse.

In order to figure out what is wrong I have to have an extremely painful procedure done. It’ll be done in my most sensitive, painful location; that being my ankle. This is happening tomorrow.

If this procedure goes as hoped I will have surgery. Which will also be extremely, fucking painful. However, this is where it gets messed up, if I leave it how it is the pain will get worse. The problem will get worse and I won’t be able to use my ankle.

So the question is: cause 2 separate very painful acts that will definitely cause backtracking (due to my nerve damage) OR deal will this awesome pain that continues to get worse and the inability to use my foot (literally unable to move my joints).

To do or not to do

I don’t want to miss you

You did more damage than good. You hurt me more than you helped. I’m scarred now more than ever. You broke me in the worst ways possible. We, people like me, fight against your type daily. You ruined my body, my heart and mind. We don’t deserve this shit.

Yet there are some terrible days where I think ‘damn, I miss you’. I don’t want to miss you. I don’t want to talk to you, think ab ok it you nor see you. You were a huge part of my life, yet that part is over.

Doctor’s and crap

I’m terrified.

What’s going to happen on Tuesday? Am I scared of the pain or more scared of the outcome?

I’m petrified at the fact that I can only talk to two people about how I feel.

Is this going to hurt or help? Who fucking knows. Knowing my life, it is the first.

My heart hurts. So many things can cause a broken heart. This time it wasn’t love, it was myself.

I hate my body. My body hates me. I swear it’s trying its hardest to kill me. It’s almost a battle, like who can do it first. Who causes the most pain.

I’m terrified.

Control Over Me

You control me. Play me like a piano, an old creaking, ugly piano. But a piano non the less. Control me like a puppet master. My strings tangle easily, they fray and my foot may fall off soon.

I have no control over this. You own me. Every last inch. Every curve of my body belongs to you. You know how to play me so that I suffer in the worst of ways.

I never asked for it nor do I deserve it. No one deserves this. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Maybe a flaming Lego path walk but not this.


You wake me in the dead of night, voluntarily giving me pain, making sure that I can’t fall back asleep. All while you have no guilt.

You burn my skin. You beat me, leaving bruises, even cuts that look like I was attacked by bears. How dare you rip my skin off.

Too tight, too tight. My bones feel like you are breaking them. I can’t hold your extra body weight. Get off of my back, I can’t carry you. My joints are falling apart.

It’s like you love to see me deal with this pain, I’m dying in agony. My body is dead on the inside, slowing working it’s way out.


I’m falling part. You just watch. You control me and love it. I can’t leave you, I love you too much… for some God forsaken reason. You just keep doing worse and worse, as far as you can take it. What did I do to deserve this?

You may be asking why isn’t she leaving? I can’t. I physically can’t. It has control over me. It follows me everywhere. It is me. It’s my body. My dying, rotting, painful body.

Control Over Me

You control me. Play me like a piano, an old creaking, ugly piano. But a piano non the less. Control me like a puppet master. My strings tangle easily, they fray and my foot may fall off soon.

I have no control over this. You own me. Every last inch. Every curve of my body belongs to you. You know how to play me so that I suffer in the worst of ways.

I never asked for it nor do I deserve it. No one deserves this. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Maybe a flaming Lego path walk but not this.


You wake me in the dead of night, voluntarily giving me pain, making sure that I can’t fall back asleep. All while you have no guilt.

You burn my skin. You beat me, leaving bruises, even cuts that look like I was attacked by bears. How dare you rip my skin off.

Too tight, too tight. My bones feel like you are breaking them. I can’t hold your extra body weight. Get off of my back, I can’t carry you. My joints are falling apart.

It’s like you love to see me deal with this pain, I’m dying in agony. My body is dead on the inside, slowing working it’s way out.


I’m falling part. You just watch. You control me and love it. I can’t leave you, I love you too much… for some God forsaken reason. You just keep doing worse and worse, as far as you can take it. What did I do to deserve this?

You may be asking why isn’t she leaving? I can’t. I physically can’t. It has control over me. It follows me everywhere. It is me. It’s my body. My dying, rotting, painful body.

Abyss

I was doing so good. I was doing so good. What changed. The pain, the people, the idiots, the pressure. Knowing my future and how much I’ll suffer.

I was doing so good.

Why did it happen. Why did I fall down letting my monsters drag me into that abyss. They never hurt me, they don’t have to. I’m already hurting and broken. I’m fighting to tread water.

The monsters never go away. They just stay deep enough so that I forget. They let me think that I was doing so good. I was doing so good.

Kingdom into war

I am fighting so many battles, I don’t know what I’m fighting for anymore. Which way is up, why am I here, have I always been on this horse, which way is for the win?

I’ve lost so many times, most my allies are gone. They have left me; so small, weak and in dire need of help. They say bones will heal and cuts will scar.

How do you lead and make others follow. How do you keep fighting, marching forward into battle? Is it battle for battle or only the war matters?

I don’t know why I was put here. Why I was given this life or why everything happens the way that it does.

I do know, for some damn reason, I’m supposed to suffer. Maybe it’s a game. Who can make her suffer more. Maybe I suffer so others don’t. Maybe I just have a shitty life.

It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.